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Dang! I ask why she said it is just how it is. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. Just shows how woman dont know anything about other women. If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. My father and grandfather were active sexually(we discussed) into their late 70s. That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. Behind heart broken!!! You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. If given the opportunity I would be all over inside and outside the house, flirting and not taking my hand off that booty. I read these comments and feel for all of you, especially the men who I share with of which I have similar experiences. * PLATFORM OR CMS. Because I am not attractive to her. You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. yeah, in the case of some women, there may be some other things going on w/ the bodywho knows. You should consider a strap on dildo, the size and width are your choice. I *must* woo my wife, always. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. It's possible that your wife is no longer attracted to you or perhaps no longer interested in being married to youthough just note, a lowered libido alone is not necessarily indicative of a larger problem with the relationship. Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. If you love the person you will probably end up in the suffer category, unfortunately. I cant live another 30 years with him like thus. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. I like cuddling. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4199300/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4555290/, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12282, http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2707786/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3807599/. Her 90-year-old mother lives with us, and I love her like my own mom. Nothing physical. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. He's a great dad, and a considerate husband. We have no children. I am afraid Buck is correct. I in the same boat as your husband. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. Just curious. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. We are happy for the days she has some energy and good enough oxygen levels. Its a bummer most times. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. As well as almost no feeling there as well. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. I guess I must count my blessings. I cuttle with her, hold her close, hold her hand in public and we talked about it. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. There is a limit to everything and this crosses that line. And the sex with my current partner is always strained because she doesnt show any real passion or desire to let go. He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. He may still be impotent after surgery, no guarantees. Do we cheat and risk hurting our wives and husbands? The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? Maybe we should start a group. I have hypertension and medications have affected my ability to get an erection. And its understandable, its a very hard thing to accept. Stay single, young men, Marriage is not for you. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. This is sad. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? I love him as much as the air I breathe, but I just wish he would realize Im suffering and offer that its ok for me to have some on the side. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Same exact situation here its a living hell! Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. My best friend. Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. Are you serious? In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. Knowing I will never be wanted again in that way by her or any woman corrodes my spirit a little more each day. For others that are on the borderline of this happening: That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. This is relevant for anyone with anxiety about their body (which, unfortunately, is true for the vast majority of women), but it may be particularly relevant for women as they age, go through childbirth, or simply experience changes to their body over time. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? I hope to eventually meet another same sex partner willing to take her time and see what works. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. You were something OTHER. My wife and I had a beautiful sex life until she started to have complex female problems that resulted in a partial histerectomy and even after the procedure she finds sex very painful. Thank goodness we get along well in every other area, however Im at a loss. After reading most of the above letters I have come to the conclusion that married couples, for the most part, have all entered into relationships, never having the correct training. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! Tried all the hormones, the therapy, the talks, and yes, even the threats of stepping out if things dont improve. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. Thanks for your candid note. Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. 24 years younger than I. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. Men are not mind readers. A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. If his wife refuses to explore solutions he will need to tell her the following. He (so far) said no. Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. Get some technique. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! But, you must remember that this rejection of your sexual advances is often triggered by some underlying reasons. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. That may be one reasons why so many husbands. All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. I find that unfathomable. Or a genuine, romantic, butterflies-in-the-stomach exchange? Open a conversation with your wife about how she's feeling about you and the marriage, big picture, and go from there. Senior Planet subscribers also get The Weekly Orbit, our newsletter with features about personal finance, health and fitness, technology tips, an online book club and more! I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. Thank you for sharing! Hope now your problem will be solved. Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. Because then who leads? Get a better paying job so she doesnt have to work her butt off. A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. We could be spontaneous. }; Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? The good news is: there are plenty of ways to banish problems in the bedroom and rekindle the fire with your wife. Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. If theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and youve realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobologys panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. I have noticed in the last two months that most forms of affection have dissapeared. Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. I am guilty of that. Shes the mother of our kids! I try to get used to it. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Not addressing the problem out of fear of confrontation will only make matters worse. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Were just a hole for your pole . It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. "Having small children is a frequent and legitimate excuse for not having sex.". Frustrated. I realized after marriage that I married her for the wrong reason, more of a rebound to fill something torn from me so abruptly, the love for my previous family(wife and children). I can offer a small piece of advise. I though it was my age, now I am 65 look OK, but not yong any more. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. All the way. Even when a man has had prostate cancer, as my husband has, that does not mean he gets a free pass to close up shop and put his wife on the shelf the rest of her life. Denied the enjoyment, should they be expected to put the same effort into the preparation? i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . Weve been married for 26 years, she is 51, and she has had maybe 4 years total where she was interested in sex. I offered my husband a quick and easy as possible divorce. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning2 and overall interest in sex. 4. Just give him some and hopefully he will stop keeping you awake. Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. Holy Cow, I have about had it. Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? Wills comment is more true than not (and certainly not far from true). Is like 5 times a year.! That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. First few years sex was great. Yes! The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. .! Praying for these husbands. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. There is only so much I can fantasize masturbate and flirt. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. His needs count too. Men empathize with women in a way that women do not with men; men *want* to make decisions that benefit women, individually and as a group (the Women are Wonderful effect, which both men and women exhibit). /* My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. Shes my childhood sweetheart, has a lovely personality, a wonderful mother and a very sexy body and persona to boot.. We are peas in a pod. She saw her doctor and prescribed a lube but it irritated her. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. Take care. Cheating is easy and you deserve it . the women stop trying once you give them what they want. Shes particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. He snores so he sleeps in his own bedroom. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as, , improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and. An underlying, undetectedmental health issue can affect sex drive. I hope this is helpful to someone. Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. To some it may even taste nasty. Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. Life is so wonderful! 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. I hear ya. Well, its clearly only getting worse. At least between us. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. We are both active and healthy. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. That partner depriving you of that intimacy does not give a damn what you do just as long as you do not bother them about it or it interferes with their favorite TV show! We could have worked it out. She needs emotional connectivity even without the expectation of sex, just because it is kind. Very sad!!! You say you dont know if youre doing foreplay right. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. I so desired to be held, touched, kissed deeply and often, all the things that love should be about, but it wasnt to be. Even worse, because Im larger than average, she can no longer handle my penis even if she wanted to. What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). I am NEVER ENOUGH so why even bother? From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. I dont understand. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. That was 28 years ago. But very tired of masterbating. But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. . /** I think it is true that having sex with your partner is part and parcel of the love you feel for each other otherwise it just seems to fade. If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. But you cant fix a problem if you dont know the cause. If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. This isnt one of those seasons things, she believing a lie from the devil to her, to destroy your marriage. So my question to the men here. I am very attracted sexually to my wife and it hurts my ego that she isnt at all. I am retired on social security, having spent my entire returment funds on an expensive divorce and a protracted hospital stay and heart and brain surgeries. Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. I cannot take any form of estrogen and I literally have lost all desire. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. She has very little interest in penetration. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. Im in my 50s and after years without feeling that hardness inside me anymore, I often find myself thinking about the next 30 years without. Amen. Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? It literally changed our lives. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. My wife says shes convinced that my strong sex drive saved our marriage that got us through our in-laws, the deaths of 2 of our children, accidents, emergencies, seriou surgeries, any one of which could have destroyed us. When hes not writing or advising people on how to thrive in their relationships, he loves exploring new places with his partner, working out, and pretending that hes good at cooking exotic stuff. I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. It is a precursor and will stimulate the Adrenal glands to produce more testosterone. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. But from a womans standpoint, we need emotional love BIG TIME before we can go there. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina. This is so depressing!! Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Frankly; its time to move on and out . On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. I am 60 soon and dread having to try and start again. Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. I would divorce him but whats the point. I am so tired of these therapists and all there lets support the one who doesnt want sex but dismiss the one who is still in love and desires romance more than anything with KEEP MASTURBATING She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. We may as well sleep in separate beds at this point. Wow wish my hubby was so attentive as you! Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. We still talk, but thats it. I want to have a joyful life not just be comfortably numb. Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. Take the good with the bad. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. He never smiles? Haha it isnt always easy but I try to focus where we are in life. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. Your husband is a very lucky man. I can understand why youre anxious about talking to your wife about this, but communication is the only way youll get out of this impasse. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone! Take your time and show your wife youre not in a hurry. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. Its maddening! . As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. . If you must you could think castration out of love. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. Just need the fortitude to go. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. If you have to ask whats so I important about having sex, you must be doing it wrong. More than once, our perfunctory mutual masturbation sessions were unsuccessful for me because I couldnt get hard. I just dont understand. but you most certainly are putting up with it, by acquiescing your role in your own home and your role as the male in your relationship. , checking in with yourself is also good. What does it mean when your wife doesn't show affection? Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? It will never balance out. about this, nothing will change. Its at least mean . There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. How is she even going to want to have a relationship?. !, so we better act tough, ya know! Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. I just go to AA now instead (I drank too much for 10 years because of no sex) & have great old fashioned men friends and conversations of good life practices. Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. I love him and am a bad lier, so using masturbation as a release. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. Your husband, not even talking to you must be so hard on your self esteem. Grab Now! I am going to be 42 years old!! Life is way too short! Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. we always believe that we are being judged . She would be lost. Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wifes lack of interest in intimacy. We tried and tried to get them to call us but their mother has convinced them that I am to blame for our sons death.